Emotions

On finding the road back to you….

Dear Mom,

Happy Birthday! You are forever young and beautiful and will not grow older. Some people are meant to be beautiful, they are not touched by senility and a downward spiralling longevity into a mere trace of the splendor that they once possessed in youth. Princess Diana remains young and beautiful to this day. Perhaps you have met her….

I am well. I have followed every single advice and instruction you had given me. I continue to strive to be the best version I can be. I managed to laugh again, to be strong and to love and value myself the way you loved me Mom. I work hard, I take care of my health, I am going ahead even though I am still at home.

The world was a mess in 2020, I’m grateful and glad you didn’t have to see it, it was truly an enlightenment and imprisonment simultaneously. I remained unaffected somehow. I needed a long break from strenuous routine to reflect on where I reached in life and what to do next and in that I have been successful. Before we work we must rest and rejuvenate and plan well ahead.

Things which seemed hard are easy. Failure is easy, success is easy, it’s easy to be poor, and easy to be rich, it is easy to live and easy to die. There is a clarity which was not there before. It’s easy to delve into the spiritual and into the material.

I cannot say I missed travelling for I travelled a great deal this time. I travelled to the depths of my subconscious, to my memories, to my mistakes, my naive innocence and shortcomings. The journey was arduous and occasionally I would feel weary and fatigued: an overwhelming exhaustion. My dear brother was there for me all along this journey, he was a tour guide like no other. We have tea whilst embarking on this ride, but we do miss your presence and each time we drink tea, the way we did with you, we do it in your memory.

There hasn’t been a single moment that I haven’t prayed for you or forgotten you. I haven’t been negligent in my prayers and blessings for you. Did you receive them? Or are you irked that I am too worried about you and neglecting my obligations towards my life? Is that why you’ve stopped visiting me in deep slumber?

I will be with you shortly, I am preparing myself each moment to be with you and Uncle of course. Oh how I miss his thunderous laughter and smiling eyes and that pointy elfish nose of his. I can feel you and Uncle reclining on luxurious diwans partying in a English garden chirping away in a light hearted conversation enjoying the pleasures abundant around you. Oh how I wish to be with you as soon as I can!

I cannot wait to die, I simply cannot, but in order to die I must live first, and I must live to the fullest extent and the best life I possibly can.

Yours forever and always,

Your ever loving daughter.

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